Thursday, April 28, 2011

H is for ''HANDSOME''

Recent conversation between me and a MARRIED friend of mine:

Me: So did you meet with him? (Talking about a business transaction...)

Her: Yah. He seems pretty cool. He was a little vague though. Good thing I can't fit his project in till June cause he's got to get his sh*t together first.

Me: Ha! Good luck. That's totally his style. I've known him since elementary. Don't you think he's handsome? (WTF SARAH??!!! Where this comment came from, I'll never know.)

Her: Umm...(insert awkward chuckle and shifty uncomfortable eyes here) yah i guess. I don't know. I wasn't really paying attention to that. 

Me: Ha ha (trying to pull it together here and grab my foot OUT of my MOUTH) yah true. I've just always thought he was good looking. He's cool. When we were little I used to tease him about looking like a bull dog. Ha ha (awkward laughboth of us blushing at this point) I don't know....(fade out to silence.) AWKWARD PAUSE HERE.

Her: Anyway...I think it should be fun. So where do you guys want to go to lunch?

NICE CHANGE OF SUBJECT. Wow. I struggle. Don't all these stories make you glad you are friends with me?? I'm sure. Bless my heart.

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

G is for "GIDDY"

Giddy is a strong word. It's not something I throw around lightly. Being giddy usually goes beyond happiness and involves a little adrenaline rush. In fact, the best giddy moments of my life have been back in high school/college and were usually linked to attractive males. This is a level of giddiness that is hard to achieve. To be honest, I don't think I've reached this level in the last few years. (John, I LOVE you but you've lost your mystery. I'm sorry. Marriage just DOOES that. But for the record, I WAS disgustingly giddy about you. Just go read my 17-year-old journal and then vomit. Oh and those of you that are all "Sarah, I totally disagree! Me and my hubby are so totally in love and giddy all the tiiiimmmee stiiiilllll!" Then I know you are one of the couples who dated for 2 months and then got married and are still EXPERIENCING getting to know each other. John and I, however, dated for 5 years and therefore had FEW surprises and less things to be giddy about when we got hitched.) (that was a long parentheses. You're fine.) Annnyywayyy.... although It's been awhile since i've been uber-giddy, I did reach a level of giddiness last night and it felt so good! 

I'll admit straight up that I am a Literature Snob. I absolutely love to read and if I had it my way I'd be in bed with a book from sun up to sun down. But here's how you reach ''snob-status'': I like to read GOOD WRITING. Sorry folks but that means no Twilight for me. I enjoyed book 1 and 2 and a little bit of 3 but COME ON. The story had GREAT potential but was slaughtered miserably and painfully. If you want my full discourse on the subject just let me know. But before you go judging me, watch out, because I have read my fair share of excellent novels and have quite a lot to back myself up. Plus I'm bull headed and stubborn and love to be right.

.... back to giddy... recently I have been reading a really good series. Last night I got all my wifely duties done and was curled up in bed rewarding myself when John walked in. Now, when I read, I like to completely immerse myself in the story and don't appreciate when people (cough cough *john* cough cough) tease me about how intense I seem. I happened to be at a particularly exciting part and couldn't help smiling up at John when he walked in. The first thing that came out of his mouth was "What is going on in here? Why are you so GIDDY?" Ha! And I realized I WAS GIDDY. Great books make me giddy. There really are few things in life better than a good thick book. 

And now, because I am on the subject, here are a few more things that make me slightly giddy:

- Driving in my car on a sunny warm day when my current favorite pop song just happens to come on the radio. (Particularly Lady GaGa or Katy Perry.) Yes, although I'm not 19 anymore trashy pop music might just be one of my guilty pleasures. 

- John walking around in JUST his pajama bottoms. What is so sexy about this? I can't figure it out...

- Glassy water at Lake Powell when I'm the one up to ski. Or just sights at Lake Powell in general. 

- Movie Theatre popcorn

- Comments on my blog (wink wink)


There are many more I'm sure but my tummy is growling and I'm ready for round two of dinner. (munch munch munch) Once again, no judging—so peace out!

Monday, April 25, 2011

F is for "FLASH MOBS"

Don't know who thought of this amazing concept but I wanna be part of one.


Huh? What is that? You want me to choreograph one? Sure! I'll let you know the details...

Ps. F is also for Fatty. After all the Easter candy my parents provided I'm gonna be one. Yup.

E is for "EXCUSES"

I'm usually good at excuses but for friday, I have none. I'm sorry I missed it! I'll do two today to make up for it K? 

E is also for elbows. 

You know how I posted that John and I are very different? While that statement is still very true, one thing we DO have in common is our sense of humor. A few weeks ago we came up with something that we think is hilarious. We were coming home from church and I happened to have said mentioned heels on which are disgustingly high (John's super tall so I can wear awesome stilettos. One of many perks of a tall husband.) order to make sure I didn't fall/slip on my face John was helping by holding my elbow. Now, because of John's long legs, he tends to walk a lot faster than me and this sudden gap of distance led to him hold my upper arm instead of my elbow. We noticed that people were sort of looking at us funny and then John started to laugh. He was laughing even harder when he helped me into the car. After probing him about "What was so funny" he told me that it looked like he was dragging me along like a small naughty child. (Can you picture it? John holding my upper arm walking a step or two ahead of me, my elbow poking out know how moms grab their kids when they are mad at them? Insert the phrase "now you listen here..." and that should help picture it.) We thought this was SO FUNNY. Once we stopped laughing we decided that we should do this often to be funny. So if you see a couple with a husband draggggging his wife along in the parking lot it's probably us. And don't worry, we realize this is a sick a twisted way to have a laugh but...what the hey...the joke's on YOU.

Thursday, April 21, 2011

D is for "Different and Dangerous"

D is for Different.

I have a proposition for you. Try something different this week. (I know I know, the phrase is supposed to be "try something NEW" but different starts with a d and....what are you? You're. Fine.) For awhile I was going to make this blog a place where I posted about all the different (new) things I was trying. (Which might still happen depending on if I think it's lame or not). For some reason, lately, I have branched out of my little box of comfortness and tried a few awesome different things. Take veggie garden cream cheese for example. I have always thought it looked nasty and was a backward concept. Who wants to spread a ton of miscellaneous vegetable chunks on a bagel? I do. We get bagels on fridays at work and I made one of those snap-lie comments you make when you're trying to sound cool—"Me too! I TOTALLY love garden veggie cream cheese!" and therefore had to spread it on my bagel right then and there. Although I grimaced secretly while trying it, I found it's actually quite decent. 

Another example is that I married someone that is very "different" than me. He's like trying new things every day. Is it possible that two people in love could be as DIFFERENT as us? Cliche but true. 

D is for Dangerous

I am dangerous to myself. You're asking yourself if that's even possible and I'm here to tell you that yes, sadly, it is. Just check back HERE and HERE. Most recent dangerous activity was that I dropped the shampoo bottle on my foot in the shower yesterday. And it was a brand new bottle. And FULL. And HEAVY. And it freaking hurt. And I cried right there in the shower by my lonesome. And I'm gonna start another sentence with AND. 

Current conversation with John

J: "Whatcha doin?" 


J: "If you're not in your funny mood then don't do it."

(what exactly constitutes a funny mood?) 

J: "What's your D WORD? (laugh laugh)  Is it digger? doug? damn? duke? dicks? dora? depression? (laugh laugh)

John, I love you but, here's a D WORD for you. Boys are DUMB.

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

C is for ''CHANGE''

Change is one of the hardest things in the world for me. I don't know why I'm one of those people but I am. Sorry this post isn't as funny. Being funny is harder than you think! (Except when you're me and your ''funny-ness'' depends on your daily ''struggle-buddy-ness''. ha!) But change has been on my mind a lot lately. I totally balk at change. Maybe it's that I'm also SUPER nostalgic. Even over the simplest things! For example, every time I leave a vacation of any kind I get this sick/sad feeling in my stomach. hahaha. Lame I know. But I'm just sad to leave! One of the reasons ''change'' must be on my mind lately is because I've had so much of it recently. A lot of which I can't control. Ba. Anyone have any good ideas on how to deal well with change? I have the book 'Who Moved My Cheese' and have the best intentions of reading it....

in the spirit of Easter....

C is also for "COLORED EGGS"

While bored at work I came across this amazing new technique to dye eggs! So stinkin awesome. Can't wait to try them and then pretend I'm super trendy. 

Tuesday, April 19, 2011


Now I'm sure I reeellled a bunch of you in just because I said 'boobs' in my title. (John...I'm talking about you. Bless you...ha!) But it's not gonna be that kind of a post. In fact, I'm gonna talk about the boobs part last in the hopes that you read the whole post just to get to the boring boobs part. You're fine.

B is for Babies

I fee like all I've heard/talked about/seen lately is babies. Babies babies babies. Whether it's one of my best friends getting pregnant, the girl sitting next to me at an institute class with her pregnant belly—tapping her husband who is sitting next to her pointing at her belly (yes, I'm pretty much a stalker so, I too, look at her belly after she points at it as if she's including me in on this intimate moment) to see it twitch a bunch of times from kicks. (awesome!) Also, my sister in law is pregnant, people at church are either pregnant or recently had a baby, my other sister in law just had a baby. I feel like i'm living and breathing BABIES. In fact, smell I smell like spit up? sigh. It doesn't help that my mom is the #1 culprit of connecting babies to ME. ("Let's get those babies here! —I'm DYING for you to have a baby!I can't wait!") Also, is it some sort of omen that one time after talking about my baby status she starts laughing and says, "actually....I'm worried for you to have a baby. You have NO IDEA how to take care of a baby!" (laugh, laugh, laugh.) Um excuse me mother but I am the oldest of your five children and I practically raised my youngest sister. 

B is also for Because. 

I feel like I've had to explain myself a lot lately. "I want to do this because..." or "We're waiting a bit to have babies because...." or "I feel this way because..." John always tells me I need to state how I feel / what I want / who I am and be done with it. Be confident enough NOT to explain the rest. It is what it is. <--- this is SUPER hard for me. 

Ok ok—B is for Boobs.

You know you have a good job when you spend an entire morning trying to come up with clean descriptions of boobs to put on a Breast Cancer T-shirt. We learned many inappropriate ones (googling that at work is scary business...just sayin!) and came up with a few appropriate ones. ''Melons'' being my favorite. Too bad "Don't let cancer steal second base!" got voted off the island. Think about that one for a min. It's funny! 

ps. Don't get all hoity-toity on me about the "we're waiting to have babies bit" I am NOT a bitter mormon blogger and am in fact really excited to have babies and WANT babies. That time will come soon enough and I can proudly say that I won't be regretful or antagonistic about the fact that I "gave up my life/hopes/dreams" to become a stay at home mom. At that point I'll WANT to be one. :)

Monday, April 18, 2011

A is for ''ALWAYS RIGHT''

Yes, I'm joining the challenge found here. I thought it would be a good way to make me blog everyday...isn't that precious? I thought so. To start off....


I am always right. Just ask John. He knows this principle well. Ok ok so maybe I'm not ALWAYS right but at least 99.9% of the time. Maybe I should title this blog ''i love being right" but that doesn't start with an 'A' now does it? And that would entirely defeat the purpose of this blog challenge. Annnyyway. Let's start with an example that happened this weekend:

John and I were leaving our apartment saturday morning and because of me we were running late. (A sub-head to this 'A day' challenge should be I'm ALWAYS late. John hates it. He's ALWAYS on time. go figure.) Well we have a covered parking stall that has a white metal post holding it up next to our stall. In our hurry John pulled out way to fast and cranked the wheel and ended up scratching the front of our car. (pretty bad. It sucks) Well instead of him saying "oh crap! I'm an idiot!" like he SHOULD HAVE, he snaps "Sarah! You CAN'T park the car in that stall anymore!" Well well well. Why don't we blame it on the wife. Later I tried explaining that I DIDN'T PARK THERE — HE DID. Which he denied emphatically. Buuuuutt about five min later he hugs me, gives me his puppy-dog-I-was-wrong-and-am-finally-admitting-it eyes and admits that it was in fact HE who parked there and HE who backed out too fast and scratched our car. BINGO. POINT FOR SARAH. 

I AM ALWAYS RIGHT. (and I freaking love it. yay.)

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

My 'Happy Today' List:

Things that have made me happy today:

- Thigh high, high-heeled boots. They make my legs look skinnier. Boom Bam Baby.
- A new delicious sandwich shop with really good tomato basil soup (screw the price, it was yummy!)
- THIS hilarious quote (this is a great gift idea for my birthday hint's in october. I'm fine.)
- New crock pot recipes from a coworker
- My FREE spray tan coupon. Yes, I'm shamelessly going to use it soon.
- Two KING SIZE snickers that John bought for me since I had what we like to call a "day" yesterday. That's the nicest way to put it. I am sure if you could see a word bubble above John's head about what he really thinks about my "days" it would have a string of profanity in it. Just sayin...
- The fact that I ALMOST completely killed a spider this morning All by myself <--- this is a big one for me. I ABHOR spiders. This "almost killing" is more like this: I saw a spider on our pile of laundry and froze because I'm scared of them. and because John had already left for school. Five mins of 'staring at it daring it to move' later I grabbed a kleenex, gritted my teeth and tried to squish it. Which resulted in immediatly pulling back my hand, doing my 'eww twitch dance' watching it curl in a ball and fall deeper into our laundry pile. Hopefully it's dead. Now I'll have to go home and worry about it...but at least I made progress!

Monday, April 11, 2011

Me Want Chocolate.

Bowls of candy in the office, although extrememly enjoyable and viewed as "such a nice gesture", should be BANNED FOREVER. I'm preeettyyy sure that we have one such bowl in our office located 3.4 desks away from mine and it's become the bane of my existence. Never in my life have I experienced so much temptation. This isn't any ordinary candy dish with weird left-over candies that no one wants. It is constantly overflowing with candy bars of all shapes and sizes. Plus salt water taffy, suckers, tootsie rolls, etc etc. Recent unexplained acne? BINGO. Suddenly explained. *sigh* I don't think I'll ever live this down.

In fact...after typing up this post I ran my bum over there to grab one. Yum. (but oh so not worth it. Why oh why do I do this to myself every day?)

Thursday, April 7, 2011

Proof men an women are from different planets.

Just a little convo between John and I today on chat.

Please note the 18 lines of text from me and the TWO WORDS from him.

Story of my life. 

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

One of those.

I am proud to admit that I am one of those people that does weird things in my car. Don't let your imagination run away with you...I mean ''weird things'' such as: sing at the top of my lungs like a rock star cause...yes...I think I'm that good. (although, amazingly that confidence flies RIGHT OUT THE WINDOW when I am around other people. Weird how that works) I will ALSO admit that while screaming to Kelly Clarkson I may or may not pull the—reach out to the void and suddenly clench fingers in a fist as you pull your hand back toward yourself—move. It's pretty awesome. The next one is actually surprisingly more embarrassing. I enjoy picking my nose every so often. I know you all do it cause I have caught others on a number of occasions. was NOT that day.

Caught RED HANDED. GUILTY. On both of the above accounts. "What's to become of me? What's to beeecooommee of meee?" (name that movie)

Monday, April 4, 2011

I promise I know what I'm talking about!

It has come to my attention that I am officially out of the interesting social world. Actually it was more like a slap in the face this weekend. See, I have this awesome 16 year old brother who is super cute and beginning to experience his "moments" in life. (ie: first kiss etc...) Since I am his older, wiser, more experienced older sister he tends to come tell John and I about all his high-school-y adventures. (Can I tell you how much I love living vicariously through him???) Well, I realized that as he tells me about his cool life (cause he's cool right now...believe me) I start to say things like "oh my gosh! I KNOWWWW! This one and so and so....I'm so awesome cause I was in high school me me....I I I...insert weird dating advice brag about how many "guys wanted me" and how I was TOTALLY part of the ''it crowd''....blah blah blah...Look over and realize that not only are his eyes glazed over, he's just sort of nodding and waiting for his chance to actually finish his story. Grrreeatt. As much as I care about how awesome I once was, he could care less. All he really wants to know is if this chick likes him or not. Smooth Sarah, smooth. 

Confession #2. It actually took me doing the SAME THING to one of our good friends who is super attractive, single and pretty much the most eligible bachelor around, to realize this horrible problem. He stopped by being the good friend that he is to say hi to the boring married couple. Of course he had dating stories to tell us and suddenly I noticed I was monopolizing the conversation with my "very experienced knowledge and assesment." 

SARAH! YOU'RE MARRIED AND BORING. That's the thing. You've been out of high school for quite some time and I'm pretty sure you're not the only one that knows everything about everything.* bleh. Sorry folks. Guess I'm having a mid-twenties life crisis. 

*suuuper hard to admit.

ps. sitting at work munching...yaom yaom yaom....